1. If you take the last paper towel from the roll REPLACE THE ROLL MORON!!! When I walk in the kitchen and see an empty cardboard tube on the dispenser I want to beat you to death with that tube.
2. Fellow "ladies": If you must hover over our pretty darn clean toilet seats CLEAN UP WHAT YOU LEAVE ON THE SEAT!! You think the seats will dirty your lilly white ass but you are the one making them dirty...
3. And a related issue: FLUSH THE DAMN TOILET!! And if you are flushing and everything doesn't go down DO IT AGAIN JACKASS!!
4. If you get some Nilla Wafers out of the bag do not put the bag back with just FOUR NILLA WAFERS IN IT! What the hell is the matter? A coffee cup full is juuuust right but four more...whew no room for those... ASSHOLE!
5. And if you get a bag of cookies out of a box in the closet take the DAMN EMPTY BOX out if you take the last bag. Are your arms broken?? They weren't broke when you clothes-lined me for those damn cookies.
6. We are all stressed and want to something to help but listening to music or Christian talk radio loud enough to be heard down the hall DOESN'T LESSEN MY STRESS!! It actually makes ME WANT TO KILL YOU!!
7. Don't keep asking me "where are you at?" on my projects. When I am finished I WILL TELL YOU!
8. And why are you always more interested in the ONE project I haven't started yet and not the TEN I am working on and might actually finish IF YOU WOULD QUIT BOTHERING ME. sheesh.
9. Quit mentioning how messy my office is. It is this way because I AM WORKING!! If your office is all neat and organized then obviously you are not getting anything accomplished.
10. Yes Mr/Ms Client..I did not answer my phone the 10th time in 48 hours that you called. I send you emails on purpose so that you will respond by REPLY EMAIL. I don't have the time nor the patience to answer the phone everytime you call to tell me you received some kind of letter/notice. I always say the same thing "Fax it to me". So just shut up and use the email and fax that I KNOW your office has. I HATE YOU.
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3 comments:
I'm sorry. I love you. Deadline is less than a month away. Breathe deep, count to ten, and put my cell on speed dial.
Oh, and aren't you thrilled that they changed the payroll tax tables with a deadline of APRIL FIRST. WTF were they thinking?????
Thank you for being you.
It just seems like everyone is extra burnt out and dis-illusioned. More so than in other years. And some of the snippieness is getting to me.
That and the pee on the toilet seat. The other day I left a sticky note on the stall door "Tee tee on seat!". It didn't stay there for long.
I found your blog at Jennifer's. I just passed this (HILARIOUS) post to my husband who is still at his office at 9:41p.m.
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