1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.
2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.
3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to assault her.
4. If you are in a lift and a woman gets in, don’t assault her. You know what? Don’t even ogle her.
5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not assault her.
6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars.
7. When you lurk in bushes and doorways with criminal intentions, always wear bright clothing, wave a flashlight, or play “Boys Who Rape (Should All Be Destroyed)” by the Raveonettes on a boombox really loud, so women in the vicinity will know where to aim their flamethrowers.
8. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from assaulting women, ask a trusted feminist friend to accompany you when in public.
9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to assault a woman, you can hand the whistle to your buddy, so s/he can blow it to call for help.
10. Give your buddy a revolver, so that when indifferent passers-by ignore the rape whistle, s/he can pistol-whip you.
Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her that you expect to be assaulting her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape her."
Sad but so true...
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
What ever will I do?
Tracy is leaving in the morning for a week long ski trip. YEA!! Now I can eat anything I want, WHEN I want ("Are you supposed to eat ice cream at 9:45 pm?") and I can be even more lazy than usual.
The only drawback will be that with one less person to entertain three cats they will DRIVE ME CRAZY wanting attention. And it is really fun when the two that hate each other get on either side of me on the couch and growl and whine at each other over my lap. Loverly...
Abbie taking up the whole damn couch
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Was it going to rub off?
Today's WTF?! story is brought to us by Philadelphia. Seems a North Philadelphia day camp paid more than $1900 to The Valley Swim Club, a private club, which, ironically, advertises open membership, so that 60 of its day campers could use the pool... Not so fast there North Philly...
"When the minority children got in the pool all of the Caucasian children immediately exited the pool," Horace Gibson, parent of a day camp child, wrote in an email. "The pool attendants came and told the black children that they did not allow minorities in the club and needed the children to leave immediately."
Well what a nice refreshing dip in the race pool...
"The next day the club told the camp director that the camp's membership was being suspended and their money would be refunded. ...'There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion … and the atmosphere of the club,' John Duesler, President of The Valley Swim Club said in a statement...."
Awww sorry John, you were so close but you choked on the punch line...jackass....
What a disapointed potential swimmer looks like
http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Pool-Boots-Kids-Who-Might-Change-the-Complexion.html
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Tax season office etiquette
1. If you take the last paper towel from the roll REPLACE THE ROLL MORON!!! When I walk in the kitchen and see an empty cardboard tube on the dispenser I want to beat you to death with that tube.
2. Fellow "ladies": If you must hover over our pretty darn clean toilet seats CLEAN UP WHAT YOU LEAVE ON THE SEAT!! You think the seats will dirty your lilly white ass but you are the one making them dirty...
3. And a related issue: FLUSH THE DAMN TOILET!! And if you are flushing and everything doesn't go down DO IT AGAIN JACKASS!!
4. If you get some Nilla Wafers out of the bag do not put the bag back with just FOUR NILLA WAFERS IN IT! What the hell is the matter? A coffee cup full is juuuust right but four more...whew no room for those... ASSHOLE!
5. And if you get a bag of cookies out of a box in the closet take the DAMN EMPTY BOX out if you take the last bag. Are your arms broken?? They weren't broke when you clothes-lined me for those damn cookies.
6. We are all stressed and want to something to help but listening to music or Christian talk radio loud enough to be heard down the hall DOESN'T LESSEN MY STRESS!! It actually makes ME WANT TO KILL YOU!!
7. Don't keep asking me "where are you at?" on my projects. When I am finished I WILL TELL YOU!
8. And why are you always more interested in the ONE project I haven't started yet and not the TEN I am working on and might actually finish IF YOU WOULD QUIT BOTHERING ME. sheesh.
9. Quit mentioning how messy my office is. It is this way because I AM WORKING!! If your office is all neat and organized then obviously you are not getting anything accomplished.
10. Yes Mr/Ms Client..I did not answer my phone the 10th time in 48 hours that you called. I send you emails on purpose so that you will respond by REPLY EMAIL. I don't have the time nor the patience to answer the phone everytime you call to tell me you received some kind of letter/notice. I always say the same thing "Fax it to me". So just shut up and use the email and fax that I KNOW your office has. I HATE YOU.
2. Fellow "ladies": If you must hover over our pretty darn clean toilet seats CLEAN UP WHAT YOU LEAVE ON THE SEAT!! You think the seats will dirty your lilly white ass but you are the one making them dirty...
3. And a related issue: FLUSH THE DAMN TOILET!! And if you are flushing and everything doesn't go down DO IT AGAIN JACKASS!!
4. If you get some Nilla Wafers out of the bag do not put the bag back with just FOUR NILLA WAFERS IN IT! What the hell is the matter? A coffee cup full is juuuust right but four more...whew no room for those... ASSHOLE!
5. And if you get a bag of cookies out of a box in the closet take the DAMN EMPTY BOX out if you take the last bag. Are your arms broken?? They weren't broke when you clothes-lined me for those damn cookies.
6. We are all stressed and want to something to help but listening to music or Christian talk radio loud enough to be heard down the hall DOESN'T LESSEN MY STRESS!! It actually makes ME WANT TO KILL YOU!!
7. Don't keep asking me "where are you at?" on my projects. When I am finished I WILL TELL YOU!
8. And why are you always more interested in the ONE project I haven't started yet and not the TEN I am working on and might actually finish IF YOU WOULD QUIT BOTHERING ME. sheesh.
9. Quit mentioning how messy my office is. It is this way because I AM WORKING!! If your office is all neat and organized then obviously you are not getting anything accomplished.
10. Yes Mr/Ms Client..I did not answer my phone the 10th time in 48 hours that you called. I send you emails on purpose so that you will respond by REPLY EMAIL. I don't have the time nor the patience to answer the phone everytime you call to tell me you received some kind of letter/notice. I always say the same thing "Fax it to me". So just shut up and use the email and fax that I KNOW your office has. I HATE YOU.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Too damn bad...
I am reading an article on nytimes.com titled "You're Dead? That Won't Stop the Debt Collector" ( http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/04/business/04dead.html?th&emc=th)
Unless there is an estate, the family of the deceased have NO OBLIGATION to pay that person's debts. But since the banks screwed themselves and everyone else in the current financial problems they are getting desperate and are trainign debt collectors to play upon the emotions fo those left behind in order to get paid.
My "favorite" passage : But sentiment also plays a large role, the agencies say. Some relatives are loyal to the credit card or bank in question. Some feel a strong sense of morality, that all debts should be paid. Most of all, people feel they are honoring the wishes of their loved ones.
Just for the record, if I ever pass on (I am planning on living forever but whatever) my wishes are these: 1) some kind of environmentally friendly disposal of my corpse, 2) no funeral or service but a wild night partying and getting drunk 3) FUCK THE PEOPLE I OWE MONEY TO .
Actually the last one should be first. No one in my family should even think IN PASSING of paying these damn people. I will come back and haunt their ass...
The credit companies have screwed too many people especially lately; raising rates because you had a late payment on another card or you make you payments too consistantly and they aren't making money from you late charges.
FUCK THEM
Unless there is an estate, the family of the deceased have NO OBLIGATION to pay that person's debts. But since the banks screwed themselves and everyone else in the current financial problems they are getting desperate and are trainign debt collectors to play upon the emotions fo those left behind in order to get paid.
My "favorite" passage : But sentiment also plays a large role, the agencies say. Some relatives are loyal to the credit card or bank in question. Some feel a strong sense of morality, that all debts should be paid. Most of all, people feel they are honoring the wishes of their loved ones.
Just for the record, if I ever pass on (I am planning on living forever but whatever) my wishes are these: 1) some kind of environmentally friendly disposal of my corpse, 2) no funeral or service but a wild night partying and getting drunk 3) FUCK THE PEOPLE I OWE MONEY TO .
Actually the last one should be first. No one in my family should even think IN PASSING of paying these damn people. I will come back and haunt their ass...
The credit companies have screwed too many people especially lately; raising rates because you had a late payment on another card or you make you payments too consistantly and they aren't making money from you late charges.
FUCK THEM
Friday, January 23, 2009
My ceiling fan hates me...
My bedroom ceiling fan is very pretty and works well but it secretly hates me. Everything is fine while I read in bed before turning off the light to go to sleep. Then it starts...a annoying faint ticking noise. I never hear it until I try to sleep. And it doesn't have any rhythm I can get used too. It starts and stops in uneven intervals. I try to ignore it but I can't and get madder and madder. Finally I get up and tap and turn each glass light globe and the noise stops. I stand under the fan and wait to see if it starts again. When it doesn't I get back in bed and get all comfy again.
As I start to drift off the damn fan starts making the noise again but this time I could swear it is laughter I hear.
As I start to drift off the damn fan starts making the noise again but this time I could swear it is laughter I hear.
Monday, January 5, 2009
My mom just called
She wanted to check in and said (laughing) that she will try to call each day to let me know they are ok.
This is going on because there is a very mean dog chained in their neighbor's yard. The chain is long enough that it can get into my parent's yard. It has tried to bite my dad a few times. I told them to report it because 1) it is on a short chain with no shelter and b) it is dangerous.
Well they called animal control today and it is supposed to be investigated. If they take it the owner's will have to pay to get it back.
And now my mom has decided to call each day so that in case the owner's "pop a cap" I will know something is up because I won't get my daily call.
I think my mom is joking about the call but I never know with her.
This is going on because there is a very mean dog chained in their neighbor's yard. The chain is long enough that it can get into my parent's yard. It has tried to bite my dad a few times. I told them to report it because 1) it is on a short chain with no shelter and b) it is dangerous.
Well they called animal control today and it is supposed to be investigated. If they take it the owner's will have to pay to get it back.
And now my mom has decided to call each day so that in case the owner's "pop a cap" I will know something is up because I won't get my daily call.
I think my mom is joking about the call but I never know with her.
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